Excitement, expectations, worry. These are hurtling through my mind.
Last year I got my black belt. One of the biggest achievements that I have made so far. I worked my butt off, coming out of a major injury – just six months prior I fell off a roof and broke my arse. (Well, sacrum and lower vertebrae to be exact.) I wanted that belt so bad, and it filled my line of sight. I got it, and had a wave of euphoria, sense of accomplishment and invincibility that lasted a good month. The following six months have been a steady free-fall from my high into depression. I was confused, and empty. I got the belt, great, but my expectation that it would provide me the answers to life, some clarity to who I am, or any more purpose to my day was fanciful. I am not sure that I really expected those things to be exact, but I expected to be a changed person, like some mystical enlightenment would be unveiled to me for trying so hard to reach a goal. Pfft, back to the grind. So, coming to the realisation that indeed a goal is great -that discipline, determination and hard work are sure ways to get there- there is more than just the destination.
But the problem arises. I am a goal setter. That is what I know. That is what I do. I see hard work as the answer to every question, even if I end up working hard against myself.
Putting two and two together, I see that working hard to reach a goal, and then getting the goal, leaves me at square one. So new plan of attack. Lets enjoy the ride. Yes, so simple, it is written on every motivational sentence posted on a dreamy backdrop on instagram. It just took ME a while to figure it out.
This is good timing. As for this time next week, I am going to be in landing in Mumbai, first stop on my big year overseas. Planned is some yoga in India, some kung fu in China, some high altitudes in Tanzania, and some coconuts, capoeria and brazilian Jujutsu in Rio. All big ideas, that mostly came from movies starring Uma Thurman. But, who said you have to be original with your adventures?
So, my bag is packed, and I am ready. Just not sure what to expect.